Part One: Player Raccoons¶
Trashed Crash Pandas?¶
Yes. You're a (mostly) normal but (decidedly) uncommon raccoon who drinks beer and drives race cars. You can't read or speak human language, but you can communicate with other animals. What sets you apart from others of your kind is your heightened ambition. Other trash pandas may want things (mainly trash) or know things (mainly where to find trash), but for the most part, they're not up for grocery shopping, evading law enforcement, or driving an 18-wheeler on the interstate.
You might be dismissed as a “common raccoon” (Procyon lotor to friends), but you ain’t common. Sure, you occasionally indulge in people’s trash — that goes without saying. But you’re no one’s pet!
Raccoon Racer¶
Why are you, a raccoon, entering the world of illegal street racing and looking for beer? Are you in this for love, fortune, fame, or justice? Who’s your rival? Are they human? Do they even know you exist? What burning conflict in your beating procyonine heart spurs the drama?
Name your raccoon and write a sentence or two describing them, their backstory, or their motivations. A printable character sheet is included in Appendix B.
The Smack’s Talents¶
Each raccoon brings one exceptional talent to your smack. Smack? It's the collective noun for raccoons.
Choose one talent from the list below for your raccoon. This talent is a specific skill your raccoon excels at.
Note: Each talent can be chosen only once, so every raccoon in the smack will have a unique talent.
| Talent | What It Means |
|---|---|
| Brains | Helping another raccoon |
| Face | Duping humans |
| Fingers | Using human things |
| Jitters | Drinking a lot of energy drinks |
| Mongo | Drinking a lot of beer |
| Rabid | Terrorizing humans |
| Slick | Being stealthy |
| Speed Racer | High-speed driving and crazy car stunts |
So, How Does This All Work?¶
The core of this game is an improvisational conversation between the player raccoons and the Raccoon Wrangler (RW). The RW describes the raccoons’ current predicament. The players then ask questions and tell the RW what their raccoons do. The RW explains the results of those actions, and the players react again, describing additional actions, and so on.
Risky Outcomes¶
When you do something extraordinary (at least for a raccoon) and inherently risky, with a meaningful outcome, the RW might ask you to roll one six-sided die (d6) to determine the result.
- If you roll a 5 or 6, you get what you wanted. It's a complete success. You did the thing! Huzzah!
- If you roll a 4 or less, you still get (mostly) what you wanted, but it’s only a partial success, and an unexpected complication arises.
Pushing Your Luck¶
However, if you want to avoid the complications of a partial success, you can push your luck!
Roll a second d6 and add it to the previous roll.
- If it's 4 or less, it's still a partial success — no improvement.
- If the total is 5 or 6, it's a complete success! Hooray!
But here's the catch… - If the sum of the two rolls is 7 or higher, it's a complete failure. You don’t get what you want; you probably get what you don’t want, and the RW begins to chortle.
What About My Raccoon’s Talent?¶
When you attempt something risky related to your talent, you can turn a failed result of 7+ into a complete success, once per session. For example, a raccoon with the Mongo talent can ignore a failed beer dice roll and avoid passing out.
Note: The Brains talent is slightly different. It lets you help another raccoon turn a failed result into a success.
Remember, your talent can be used only once per session, so use it wisely.
Now with Dumpster Diving!¶
So, what about starting gear? You don't have any. You're a raccoon.
But you know where to find some: dumpsters!
When you find a dumpster, climb in and start rummaging. Each raccoon rolls d66 twice to make two finds. What’s a d66? Roll a d6 twice, but don’t add the rolls; instead, read the results in order. For example, if you roll a 2 first and then a 4, that’s a 24, and you find a box of toothpicks (lucky you!).
| d66 | Find | d66 | Find |
|---|---|---|---|
| 11 | bag of balloons | 41 | firecrackers |
| 12 | bag of ball bearings | 42 | flame decal (cool!) |
| 13 | baseball bat | 43 | lighter |
| 14 | black leather driving gloves | 44 | matchbook |
| 15 | box of cigars | 45 | orange safety cone |
| 16 | box of expired energy drinks | 46 | pail of red paint |
| 21 | box of expired wine | 51 | penknife |
| 22 | box of nails | 52 | plush toy raccoon |
| 23 | box of surgical masks | 53 | police siren |
| 24 | box of toothpicks | 54 | roll of dollar bills |
| 25 | can of gasoline | 55 | roll of duct tape |
| 26 | car battery | 56 | rope |
| 31 | car jack | 61 | several feet of chain |
| 32 | cassette tape (Queen's Greatest Hits) | 62 | shopping cart |
| 33 | cough syrup | 63 | spare tire |
| 34 | credit card | 64 | trench coat |
| 35 | fake beard and glasses | 65 | wallet |
| 36 | fake ID | 66 | windshield wipers |
Alternatively, use the online BAD ODOR table (Big All-inclusive Digital Online Dumpster Organizational Raster) which includes loads more garbage — even, dare I reveal, a rocket engine.
Stress¶
Face it. You're a raccoon. The world of humans and illegal street racing can be stressful for a small urban critter. Whenever you roll a 7+ (a fail!), you gain one point of stress.
Keep track of your stress level. Events in the story may also add stress, such as sideswiping another car during a race. Your RW will let you know.
Stressed-Out¶
Once your stress level reaches four, you revert to a feral (read: dumb) raccoon. You're out of the action.
Drinking beer is the only way to relax and get back into the action. Each beer removes one point of stress. You're back to your old overachieving self when you're at three or fewer stress points.
See Appendix A for a couple of raccoon-approved cocktail recipes; each concoction removes two points of stress.
Inebriation¶
The downside of removing all that stress is drinking all that beer. Keep a running tally of how many beers you’ve consumed. Whenever you drink a beer, roll d6 + beer tally. On a 7+, you pass out and are of little use to anyone. Raccoons are lightweights.
Sobering Up¶
How do you sober up and rejoin the adventure? Easy — quaff an energy drink of your choice. An energy drink wakes you up and reduces your beer tally by one point.
Totally Wired¶
Also, keep a running tally of the energy drinks you consume. Whenever you drink one, roll d6 + energy drink tally. On a 7+, you gain a point of stress. Raccoons are lightweights. Oh, wait.
Vicious cycle, huh?
What About All These Drinks?¶
You’ll need to find, buy, or swipe some. Rummage a little more through the garbage. Charm a tourist. You’re resourceful. Drinks are out there. Humans seem to love the stuff.
How About Car Racing?¶
First, you’ll have to steal a car. I leave that up to you. Then pop a tape into the cassette player and head out on the open road to your street-racing location.
Once you challenge an opponent, the race begins!
In each round, all raccoons in the car secretly choose one action from the following six racing options — no conferring — and then reveal their choices at the same time.
Picture it. You're scampering around the interior of a car traveling at high speed, frantically working the controls (or drinking beer in the backseat). There's no time to metagame.
Driving Actions
- BRAKE
- SWERVE RIGHT
- SWERVE LEFT
- USE AN ITEM FROM YOUR GEAR
- ACCELERATE
- DO SOMETHING ELSE! (describe it)
The RW resolves your actions in order, one after another, starting with the lowest-numbered action (braking occurs before swerving or accelerating).
Now wake up. It's nighttime, and your smack is ready to race. Find some beer, gear, and a car.
Good luck!